Funeral

Ed says I don’t have to write a lot today. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. I think I’m all cried out, and then I cry more.

I want to go home.

I want life to go back to normal.

I want to be able to sleep in my own bed and I want to wake up from this bad dream.

Life goes on, but I don’t want to hear that it gets easier. Please don’t tell me it gets easier.

I don’t want my grief to get easier.

I want my mother to be alive.

But yet, I can’t cry forever; I can’t feel this grief much longer. I’m so tired.

I can still talk to Mom, even if it sounds like I’m talking to myself.

I can tell my children stories about the grandma who died too young. Wonderful stories; stories that will help them remember how much fun Grandma was before she got so sick.

I can wrap the quilts Mom made around myself, and know each stitch was made with love.

I can have faith that we will meet again in heaven someday.

One day at a time, I tell myself.

One day at a time, Ginny. Take care of your family, take care of yourself, and just take it one day at a time.

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6 Responses to Funeral

  1. Oh, hon, I'm so very sorry. I'm sitting here crying for you, and I can't even imagine what you're going through and how weary you are.If it helps to write, then write. But if you'd rather be numb, do that. Just take care of yourself and your family.

  2. I want to reach out and hug you. No one would blame you for not writing every day or any days at all. I know you're doing Na..blah, blah, blah…but if writing is hurting more than helping…don't do it. I hope it is helping. I hope it keeps you connected with the world a bit as you feel so lost and alone. I wish I could bring your mom home for you. No, it won't get easier — only a little different each day — maybe a little less painful. But not easier.

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