First Day of School, But Not For Me

So far, I’ve been full of anticipation. Full of ideas and excited to get some project accomplished. However, this morning I woke up early, anxious and unable to fall back to sleep.

Today is the day. My baby starts Kindergarten full time today.

First Day of Kindergarten

On Monday, I went to school with her and sat in a 45 minute orientation with her by my side.

On Tuesday, I dropped her off at 8:45 and picked her up at lunchtime. She was in school just a little longer than she would have been at preschool.

Today, I will take her to school at 8:45. In one hand, she will be holding her big sister’s hand. In her other hand, she will be holding her lunchbox. I will pick them both up at 3:30 after a long, long day at home. Alone.

Oh, I know I was all full of bravado in my last post, talking about how I’m going to stay busy and how I’m ready for the girls to go back to school.

Today, I feel left behind. The beginning of the school year always makes me feel this way. I see a classroom, ready for students, and I remember my former life. My life when the beginning of the school year was my favorite time of the year. The new books and pencils, the white sheets of paper and smell of new crayons, the new faces crowding the classroom, nervous and excited all at the same time. Emmy’s teacher has a new smart board, and I am so jealous. Teachers in elementary schools didn’t have smart boards when I left teaching.

I know I made that choice all those years ago (not that long ago, really) to stay at home with my baby and give up my dream job. The job I had gone to school for; the job that I worked at for thirteen years; the job I felt was an occupation, not just a job. The job that gave me the title of teacher.

I’ve been out of teaching for so many years that new friends and neighbors don’t think of me as a teacher. I’m Lily and Emmy’s mom, which I am very proud to be. And I’m really being unfair to the preschool where I teach. I’m a teacher to them, for about 5 hours a week. Although this gig is mostly unpaid, I suppose I can also call myself a blogger and a writer.

The sun has been slowly lightening the sky as my fingers have been typing, getting out all my mixed-up feelings. It’s one of the reasons I love blogging; it helps me to untangle my thoughts. In just a few minutes, I need to start making breakfast and lunches; getting out clean clothes and making sure hair is brushed and beds are made.

Then I’ll kiss my two girls goodbye, and get started on all those projects. I’ll let you know how it goes.

First Day of School

How are you feeling today?

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6 Responses to First Day of School, But Not For Me

  1. Oh I love this post. I relate. It's so funny, my baby just left for college last night and hubby and I were discussing his first day of Kindergarten when he got on the school bus wearing his name tag with all the vitally important contact info including his bus#. It was safety-pinned onto his shirt. I can still see him standing there with a huge grin on his face! Treasure these school days!

    I still love this time of year. I love the freshness and opportunity of each new school year. I miss teaching, too, but I recently decided to go full time as a writer and blogger. This is exciting too, but I sure get those twinges…

    Hope you all have a great school year! Congrats on the milestone! Nice photos too!
    My recent post Celebrating the Ordinary – Twilight

  2. Don't be too jealous of the teachers! I've been back in school a week and a half, and I'm completely exhausted. I don't even want to make dinner tonight.

    Last Friday, I went to bed at 9:00 P.M. and slept until after 8:00 A.M. the next morning. Teaching is wearing me out!!!!

    See the grass really is greener on the other side. 🙂

    My recent post Mini Blueberry Cheesecakes

  3. it sounds to me like you are a teacher! You are sharing your gifts with preschoolers and giving of your knowledge. And you are teaching your children while being there for them! I left a high paying job years ago and remember going through similar thoughts, then I would be there with my kids after school and I know I was in the best job ever! You are still a teacher in my eyes!

  4. We can all relate to this in some ways…I have been a stay at home mom for 28 years…no pay check, no title other than mom..I have home schooled 23 straight years…yet I don't get the teacher's gifts or cards…nor the hugs from other children. As I enter my new year…part time home school, one in public school and age 51, I struggle with the issues of should I have done something different so that I would have a resume.

    I am glad I did what I did…but there is always the thought that it was greener on the other side

    Blessings as you continue to walk this of life!!

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