Refresh {Spin Cycle}

Sometimes I’ll be on my laptop surfing the web and something will crash. The prompt “Refresh your browser” will pop up. And so I click the little circle arrow to refresh the browser and voila! The problem is fixed!

If only refreshing my life was that easy.

Some days, I’m just tired. Tired of getting up in the morning, tired of packing lunches for the girls, tired of laundry, dishes, cooking dinner…just tired.

I look at the moms of my children’s friends, and they just seem so young. Younger than me, an old mom who has yet another birthday coming up next month. I’ll be exactly between 40 and 50. This older mom thing is tiring. I wish I had the energy I had in my 20’s to raise my children today.

Just yesterday, I read another blog post about another woman who had breast cancer scare so she’s so relieved she doesn’t have cancer. She decided not to take life for granted and live life to the fullest, blah, blah, blah…. I’m sorry I’m being so cynical. Every time I read a post like this (and I’ve read far too many) I wish that I could have written it.

I need a refresh button.

This spring, it will be 18 years since I was first diagnosed. I’m tired of counting the years, tired of wondering if the cancer will come back. My mom’s cancer returned after 20 years. Shouldn’t I be grateful for every new day? Of course I am. Do I take life for granted? Of course I do. I yell at my kids, I get irritated at my husband, and I get sick of making yet another meal.

Cancer didn’t make me any different from you.

For last week’s Spin Cycle, Janice chose “refresh” for her word of the year, and it seems like a perfect word for the beginning of a new year. She describes in her writing how weary she feels, and as I was reading her post, I felt weary, too. But then she wrote a wonderful poem to go along with her word, refresh. As I read Janice’s poem, I began to feel refreshed and ready for a New Year.

Unlike this laptop I’m typing on right now, I have more than one refresh button.

When I read inspiring blog posts like yours, (yes, I mean you) I feel refreshed. If you don’t think your blog post is inspiring, to me it is.

Opening the curtains every morning as I sip my cup of coffee is refreshing.

Going outside, even in the middle of this long winter, is refreshing.

Reading my Bible, teaching Sunday school, singing in the choir; refresh.

And of course, kissing my daughters’ sweet cheeks instantly refreshes my spirit.

What refreshes your spirit?

Second Blooming

Bloggers–link your post here! A link to your post will be both here and over at Second Blooming.



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12 Responses to Refresh {Spin Cycle}

  1. I’m not proud of this, but I sometimes worry about whether I’ll be the “old” mom. I’m pretty sure having your first kid at 31 doesn’t make a person ancient, and yet, I worry. Maybe because I was so set on having kids really young? I don’t know. But I do know when I look at others (you included!) I don’t see young or old. I just see a mom. Hopefully I can look at myself the same way too πŸ™‚
    Trish recently posted…Meet the CatsMy Profile

  2. Love your take on refresh! My grandmother was about 35 when she had her first of 4 children. I cannot even imagine how she did it. Washpots, wood cook stoves, cooking meals big enough for thrashing crews and the list goes on. But women of that time and situation, also, were not expected to look models while doing the laundry. They were not carting children all over the place for activities. We live in more complicated times, times that put an extra set of pressures that take a toll on us. Tired is tired like cold is cold. Have a refreshing weekend!
    janicead recently posted…Why Can’t I Be …. and SkyWatch FridayMy Profile

  3. Having a little time for myself – like blogging, reading other blogs, watching a good movie or show – really refreshes me. Sometimes I ask my husband for just 15 minutes alone so he can watch the kids and I can refresh. It really helps! Otherwise, I’m right there with you – yelling, getting irritated and dreading the next meal I have to prepare. Thanks for this honest and inspiring post!
    Gracielle recently posted…{Ask Away Friday} Questions with Herchel from @ScruggbugMy Profile

  4. I actually wrote a post a few years ago called “The Refresh.” Scarlet was about two or so and every time the conversation would get stale or over, or anyone would get sad or annoyed, she’d just bounce in and say, “Hi!” As if it was our first time seeing her that day. It would totally rearrange our conversations, and often start new ones. I called it the refresh button. Everyone gets a do-over when Scarlet’s around.
    tamaralikecamera recently posted…Cry Me a Frozen Whovian River.My Profile

  5. Reading and doing some light cardio always seems to help refresh me, as well as spending quality time with my husband and girls. By the way, I totally understand feeling tired and old somedays. Trust me I am in late 30s and I feel ancient somedays. Just know you aren’t alone and we have to try (key word try) to remind ourselves we really aren’t that old and just enjoy as much as we can now. πŸ™‚
    Janine Huldie recently posted…CampusBookRentals to Help Ease the Biggest Lines I Have Ever SeenMy Profile

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